Queen of Spades
by Penn O'Hara
Summary: An Epilogue... Alex wanted one more scene.
1. Chapter 1

**"****Queen of Spades"**

**Copyright 2007 Penn O'Hara**

_**T**_

_**Usual disclaimers apply.**_

_**LOCI **__**Timeline: Post "War at Home". **_

__

**_My Timeline: Post "Fold", which really should be read before continuing with this one… _**

_**This is still my LOCI universe where Goren and Eames were forced to be intimate **__**in "A Shift of Axis", their developing relationship nipped in the bud by Eames' bad recovery after "Blind Spot".**_

**oOo**

_**Prologue**_

_**Excerpt from "Fold" with minor adjustments based on earlier feedback.**_

**_oOo_**

_**He feathered his fingers down the side of her face, apologizing for his inability to feel a closeness to her that might endure. It didn't seemed important to her, but it tore at his sense of worth as a man.**_

_**She lay still as if sleeping, ignoring his mute regret.**_

_**Dragging himself from her, Bobby Goren went in search of his clothes, his earlier tension gone, but replaced by a heaviness of heart and self-loathing.**_

_**In the bathroom, he stared at his reflection, leaning heavily on the basin and supporting a weight that was more mental than physical. His eyes were half-closed, refusing to look into a damaged soul. Angry red marks on his neck extended into full-blown scratches from his shoulders around to his back and a set of teeth-marks branded one shoulder. Smoothing his hands through his short curls, his hair bounced back into a semblance of order. Clothes would cover most of the evidence of his weakness, but he couldn't erase the self-derision from the down-turn of his mouth.**_

_**Pushing away from the basin, Goren sorted through his clothes. The shirt was torn beyond repair, his trousers clasp damaged but still operational, and one of his jacket buttons was missing. Stuffing his shirt into his jacket pocket, he donned the trousers and fastened the jacket as best he could, then, with leaden feet, left the hotel room.**_

_**The woman on the bed didn't move.**_

_**oOo**_

_**Intending**__** to trash his clothes, shower and set out for Carmel Ridge in the hope that his mother would understand he hadn't deserted her, Goren headed his car toward home.**_

_**He parked in the street, then loped into the building, praying he wouldn't be seen in a damaged coat with bare chest. Taking the flight of steps to his floor two at a time, he rounded the banister, and was brought up short by the sight of Alex Eames sitting on the floor, her back propped against his front door.**_

_**She looked up, her eyes narrowing as she took in his dishábille. Goren watched the slide-show of shock, concern and realization shutter across her face. Disgust was the last thing he saw before she pulled in her lips and pushed herself to her feet.**_

_**Holding out a cell phone, she walked toward him. **_

_**"You left this on your desk," she said, her jaw grinding over the words.**_

_**Her gaze raked his body but she didn't break stride as she handed over his phone and passed him on the landing.**_

_**"I'm not even going to ask," she said, then walked down the stairs, the heels of her boots angrily clicking against the well-trod wood.**_

_**The woman had been wrong when she assured Goren, no strings attached. **_

_**They were attached but unraveling fast.**_

**oOo**

"**Alex."**

**Goren closed his eyes as his stomach dropped. Tension clawed at his shoulders and he rolled his neck trying to ease it.**

**She didn't even break stride, her footsteps growing fainter but still reverberating with anger.**

"**Alex!"**

**Goren ran down the corridor and swung into the stairwell.**

"_**Alex!**_**"**

**He was tempted to propel himself after her, but reason made him cling onto the railing and hover there. They both needed the light of day to work through this, a night to sleep it off and look at things calmly.**

**And he couldn't go to her with the smell of another woman on him.**

**Retracing his steps, Goren'****s fingers fumbled for the keys in his pocket and managed to jab them into his door lock. Letting himself into his apartment, he headed for the shower, his feet dragging across the carpet.**

_**What are we doing, Alex?**_

**Goren didn't know what was right or wrong for them anymore, but he knew that to go back to what they were would be as difficult as exploring and developing what they had become. He knew where the greatest reward lay but doubted his ability to convince Alex.**

**Hot water steamed off his back as he hung his head and tortured his mind with the ****looming possibility of failure.**

**oOo**

**Chapter One**

**Stepping over the threshold of the Major Case Captain's office, Goren noted Alex wasn't with Ross as he'd hoped. **

**She wasn't at her desk when he arrived late for work this morning, but he assumed she was elsewhere in the building, maybe even avoiding him.**

"**Sit down, Detective," Ross said before closing the door and rounding his desk to settle back into his own chair. Goren remained standing, but Ross didn't seem to notice. **

"**Sorry I'm late, Capt—"**

**Ross waved away Goren's apology, evidence that the frown on his face was caused by something other than Goren's tardiness. "We've been sent a new addition to Major Case. The command came through early this morning, without warning, which I'm not happy about, but I'm even more concerned now."**

**Goren**** swung his head round with interest, momentarily abandoning his search of the bullpen for a sign of Alex.**

"**You've got a new partner—" Ross held up his hand at the jerk of Goren's body. "Albeit a temporary one. The Chief of Ds informed me we're to train this one, up and out, but, as you know, we have an interested source in his office—"**

**Goren nodded****, shuffling his feet with impatience to hunt down Alex' whereabouts. "Barek…"**

**Ross' eyes glittered with humor. ****"Yes, well, it seems she has not only Logan's best interests at heart, but also yours."**

**All impatience vanished from Goren**** as his body froze.**

"**Unofficially… and I'm sure, against orders from Bradshaw, Carolyn Barek has asked me to warn you that your new partner is to report back to the Chief on your performance as a Detective and your…general…state of mind. It seems there's some concern in HQ that—"**

"_**Bullshit!"**_** Goren exploded into movement, leaning forward and punching his fist onto the Captain's desk. His body vibrating with latent rage, he snarled at Ross, who merely held up a hand.**

"**Your…somewhat erratic behavior, Detective," Ross said calmly, "has been noted, and reported… but not by me.**** I like this less than you. With Wheeler away on temporary assignment, I've got two detectives breaking in new partners and Eames out in the cold." Ross palmed his desk and pushed himself to his feet. "Your job, now, is to placate Bradshaw and his mole, for want of a better word, and send—"**

**A knock at the door had Goren swinging his gaze toward the interruption. Alex was outside, her face ****wiped neutral as she waited for permission to enter. Bobby pushed himself upright and scrubbed his face with the palm of his hand, his heart quickening.**

"**Eames is back after showing your new partner around," Ross said, finally feeding Goren's curiosity about Alex' absence from her desk.**

**Ross waved in Eames and the detective behind her.**

**Goren's eyes strafed the face of the newcomer and his blood ran cold. **

**Clutching for the side of Ross' desk, Bobby looked into the equally startled eyes of the woman he had bedded last night.**

**oOo**

**_tbc..._**

_**A/N: With a tough year behind me, I can now recoup, regroup, recharge and lose my negativity and find time again for the things I love.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**"****Queen of Spades"**

**Copyright 2007 Penn O'Hara**

_**T**_

_**Usual disclaimers apply.**_

_**LOCI **__**Timeline: Post "War at Home". **_

_**My Timeline: Post "**__**Fold", which really should be read before continuing with this one…**_

**oOo**

**Chapter Two**

"**Detective Chase," Ross began, "this is Robert Goren. I haven't quite finished briefing him, but…"**

**Bobby ****tried to pull himself together, dragging his eyes away from the newcomer but was hooked by the openly curious gaze of Alex. A frown creased her face as she searched his.**

**The floor heaved, the walls spun around him and Goren went down. ****Arms reached out to grab him and he was helpless as hands guided him to a chair. He was conscious of little else other than the woman with the dark curls watching him in horror.**

_**She hadn't known!**_

"**I gotta…" he gasped. "Get…out."**

"**I'll call a medic," he heard Ross say.**

"**No! I'm…okay…" Goren denied. "Just gotta…get…some air…"**

"**I'll take him," Alex said, and Goren stumbled from the room, leaning heavily on her arm.**

**He dragged his feet toward the lift, his head turned away from Alex in shame — at showing her such weakness, anticipating her loathing when he inevitably told her what was wrong and why he couldn't work with that woman.**

**Breaking into the noise and ****bustle of the city street, Goren felt stronger but no more capable of facing Alex. He tried to break away from her, but she held him fast.**

"**We're gonna get some coffee, Bobby. Then you tell me what happened in there."**

**Pedestrians jostled him as he stumbled after her. He had no idea where she took him, but he was soon sitting in a diner cubicle with the aroma of strong black coffee assaulting his nose.**

"**What happened back there, Bobby?" she asked, the tone of her voice brooking no argument nor fabrication.**

"**I can't—"**

"**Yes, you can!" she snapped. "You looked like you saw a ghost! It was that woman. What'****s with her, Bobby? She looked almost as sick as you did. You know her?"**

**He nodded dumbly. **

"**How?"**

"**I…" He stopped, unable to dig the grave of any chance he might have with Alex again.**

"**Damn you, Bobby!"**

"**I was with her… last night." He turned his head away, unable to meet her gaze. "I met…"**

"**Please don't tell me you picked up a woman in a bar! Don't do this to me—"**

**He turned back to her, his eyes blurring with stinging tears. "Alex…I'm…lost…I've lost my way. You—"**

"**Don't put this back on me, Bobby," she spat. "If you're taking a course in self-destruction, it has **_**nothing**_** to do with me."**

"**I needed you—"**

"**You needed me so bad, you went out and screwed a stranger!"**

"**Yes. Yes, that's right. I had to—"**

"**Shit, you did!" **

**He saw her fingers grip her coffee cup and he tensed, ready to duck it. He watched her chest heave with the effort to keep calm and refrain from hurling it at him.**

**But whe****n she spoke, her voice was soft with a thin thread of pain. "I made a decision to keep our partnership professional," she said, cutting him to the bone. "You know that, Bobby—"**

"**But I didn't understand it!"**

"**I can't help that." Her eyes appealed to him to accept her choice. "Maybe I could have explained it better—"**

"**You didn't****…explain it…"**

"**I told you I couldn't do it.**** Isn't that enough?"**

**Goren felt the world sliding from under him, skewing and disorientating. He felt physically ill and desperation drove him to be more honest than he would allowed. **

"**I want you, ****Alex."**

**She bit her lip and dropped her eyes. ****"I…Bobby…I can't. Okay? I can't. Don't ask me."**

**His hands fluttered in the air, then he dropped them to the table top.**** Loss of hope churned his stomach and bowed his shoulders. **

"**What now, Bobby?"**

"**I can't work with that woman."**

"**You worked with me**** after…"**

**He ran his hands over his scalp, squeezing the curls at the back in frustration. ****"This…this is different. It was too…there was no…"**

"**Let's talk to the Captain."**

**Goren's jaw worked over the bitterness in his mouth. She was so unfeeling, not a trace of softening on her face. **

_**Had he done this to her?**_

**oOo**

"**Detective…if I may…?" Detective Chase ****arrested Goren on his way back to Ross' office. **

**He'd noticed her as soon as ****he entered the bullpen, sitting at Alex' desk, a cell phone to her ear. She hung up as soon as she saw them and intercepted their path before they could pass her. **

**Bobby appealed to Alex who stood by his side, waiting.**

"**I think you need to talk to her, Bobby," Alex said, failing to come to his rescue. "If you still want to see the Captain after…" She nodded toward her desk and left them.**

**Chase held out her hand, a tentative smile on her mouth and a trace of self-consciousness in her eyes. "We haven't been formally introduced. Rebecca Chase."**

**He took her hand automatically. He wanted to be anywhere but there. "My desk…is…ah…over there."**

**She took a deep breath. ****"I think we need somewhere more private than that. The briefing room?"**

"**You know where…?"**

"**Alex has already shown me around," Chase nodded. "The briefing room looked like a good place to have a private conversation." She swung away from him and started walking, sure in the knowledge that he would follow.**

_**Damn! **_**There was no way he was working with this woman. She might as well hear it from him now.**

"**Yeah…sure…" He loped after her, noting the confident sway ****of her hips in the gun-metal gray trousers, the proud carriage of her shoulders encased in a matching coat. Her self-assurance from last night, surprised out of her earlier when she'd come face to face with him in Ross' office, was back and she wore it like a cloak.**

"**This has been a bit of a shock," she began immediately he closed the briefing room door. "When I first saw you in the Captain's office…" She held a slim hand against her throat and smiled, a mixture of embarrassment and apology****. "I died a thousand deaths. I had no idea—"**

"**I know why you're here," Goren cut in, "so cut the crap!"**

"**Excuse me?" Her eyes widened with what looked like genuine surprise, but Goren was convinced it was merely an act.**

"**Department moles have to be the lowest form of life, wouldn't you agree?" he snapped.**

**Chase's mouth opened and closed, then she inclined her head and sat gracefully down on the nearest chair.**

"**My, my, we have got off to a bad start, haven't we?" She crossed one leg over the other and leaned an elbow on the conference table, looking up at him openly and seemingly, honestly. "You know about, or have guessed, my secondary role here, and I apologize for being part of such a disgraceful assignment as reporting on another officer, but I assure you, Robert—"**

"**Detective Goren to you," ****he said testily.**

**Chase stood gracefully and approached him. Any disadvantage caused by her diminutive stature was negated by the spitting fire in her hazel eyes. "If nothing else, **_**Detective**_**, you will have the courtesy to hear me out." **

**She was so close to him, Goren could smell the scent on her skin, feel the vibrations of anger through her body. His own body reacted, remembering the feel of her, the urgency of her responses, the abandonment with which she joined to him. **

**Dismayed at his reaction, Bobby went to swing away, but she grabbed his forearm, her strength capturing him and rooting him to the spot****. He looked down at her hand, at the slender fingers with polished nails. Looking up, his gaze fell upon her mouth, her soft lips parted. Her breath was sweet, her eyes closing under his regard.**

"**My God," she whispered. "Don't tell me you don't feel it."**

"**I feel it," he mumbled. "I don't trust it."**

**She backed away, taking a deep breath as she leaned back against the conference table. "As I was saying, my primary role is to be trained in your procedure here, some groundwork before I take up a Captaincy of another Precinct. Contrary to your obvious belief, I'm not plotting your downfall. But Bradshaw did ask me to observe you and reassure him you were fit to continue in your position. There was some concern—"**

**Goren swept toward her, pinning her to the table**** until her back was bent over its polished surface. "He's concerned over my fitness?!" he snarled, thrusting his head to the side. "Bradshaw thinks I'm unfit? For what? For picking through the scum of humanity? For getting in a murderer's head and ripping out his motive?" **

**His gaze raked her body from head to foot. "****Am I unfit? Or…" He leaned closer still, his breath feathering her forehead, feeling the erratic beat of her heart under him, the straining of her thighs against his. "…am I perfect for the job?" he whispered. "As twisted and debased as the degenerates I pursue?"**

**Her chest fell and rose against his, ****burning through the material that separated them and the anger in him dissolved into a spearing bolt of desire…**_**lust!**_** He desired Alex, his body would worship hers if she let him, but it lusted after the trembling one now beneath his. **

**Goren's eyes narrowed as he examined her hazel eyes clouding with returned ****need, the pert nose taking in exaggerated rapid breaths, her mouth parting in a moan…**

**oOo**

_**tbc…**_


	3. Chapter 3

**"****Queen of Spades"**

**Copyright 2007 Penn O'Hara**

_**T**_

_**Usual disclaimers apply.**_

_**LOCI **__**Timeline: Post "War at Home". **_

_**My Timeline: Post "**__**Fold", which really should be read before continuing with this one…**_

**oOo**

**Chapter Three**

**Holding up his hands, Goren pulled away, backing up rapidly****. "I…I don't…I…"**

**Rebecca took deep gulps of air,**** straightened and smoothed her hands down her thighs, unable to look at him. "I…have to agree. This uh, has the potential to get out of hand."**

**When she had first seen him in Ross' office, ****Rebecca had been devastated. The last thing she expected to see again was the exciting and complex stranger at the hotel where her colleagues had thrown a party celebrating her imminent promotion to Captain.**

**Then to discover she would have to work with him closely, she doubted her ability to pretend nothing had happened. She knew now that the situation would be explosive w****henever they were close and working with him would be impossible. **

**Goren ****headed for the door. "I have to see Ross."**

"**You and me both,****" Rebecca breathed in relief.**

**She strode**** behind him as he turned for the office of the Captain. Alex Eames looked up as she saw them pass and Rebecca guessed from the scrape of the chair behind her that Eames was now following them. **

**Ross was in for an onslaught.**

**They had to wait for ****the Captain to get off the phone and Rebecca was conscious of Goren pacing the small office while she sat primly in a chair and Eames hovered near the door. Ross murmured into his phone but kept throwing glances at the three of them until he finally hung up.**

"**This looks serious," he ****said, sitting back in his chair, "but I'm afraid it's going to have to wait. You've caught a new case. A local is waiting for you at Sagaponack. 363 Parsonage Lane. Chase and Goren—"**

"**Captain—"**

"**With all due respect—"**

**Rebecca**** looked at Goren as he pulled his head in and swung away.**

"**Captain Ross," she went on, "I'd like to be reassigned. Detective Goren and I really can't work together."**

"**Mind telling me why?" Ross demanded.**

"**There'd be a****… conflict—" Rebecca explained. **

"**What kind of conflict?" Ross looked hard at Goren then turned back to Rebecca.**

**Her**** mouth opened and closed, obviously at a loss. Goren said nothing, and it was left to Alex Eames to come to their rescue.**

"**The Captain needs to know," Eames ventured, looking straight at Ross. "Bobby and…Rebecca are…dating. We'd have a rematch of Logan and Barek if you pair 'em."**

**Ross' brows rose, but his gaze zeroed in on ****Rebecca, who tensed in her seat. "Goren didn't know about this assignment until a half hour ago, but **_**you**_** did. Why didn't you apprise Bradshaw of this…conflict."**

"**I…I didn't realize who he was…" Rebecca tried, but it sounded lame even to her.**

"**You're supposedly dating the man but you didn't realize he was Detective Goren of Major Case?"**

"**Um, I…I…"**

"**They didn't talk about their work," Eames said hastily. "She knows him as Bobby. Just Bobby. He didn't tell her his last name. Cute, don't you think?"**

"**No, I don't," Ross snapped. "And I don't see how I can do anything about the current situation. Bradshaw specifically—" He leaned on his desk and steepled his fingers. "I'll let Eames here tag along with you both," he said more quietly, pursing his lips. "That'll keep you …honest, and hopefully, still satisfy our Chief of Ds." He looked from one to another. "Is there anything else I should know about?" **

**Goren rolled a shoulder and made an exasperated noise**** then headed for the door.**

**Rebecca flinched when he slammed it behind him, then looked in despair at Eames. She was extremely grateful to ****the other detective for extricating them from a delicate situation, but Alex wouldn't meet her gaze, her lips thinning as she watched Goren head toward his desk and shove his chair under it.**

"**I suggest you round up Goren and head out," Ross suggested, effectively dismissing them.**

**Rebecca allowed Eames to precede her out the door, her stomach tightening at the thought of the days ahead.**

_**How the hell was she**__** going to get through this?**_

**oOo**

**Alex caught up with ****Goren as he left the bullpen and headed down the corridor toward the elevator. Her throat was tight with reined in temper and indignation. Bobby's actions last night had put her — **_**them**_** — in an intolerable position.**

"**Eames, your explanation—" he muttered, briefly turning to acknowledge her with Chase hard on her heels.**

"**It was spur of the moment, Bobby, and no one else did better."**_**You didn't do better, Bobby. What were you thinking?**_

"**I would have preferred a reassignment—" Chase began.**

"**You don't really believe Ross would have worn that, do you?" Alex stopped at the elevator and turned to Chase, amazed at her naiveté. "How **_**is**_** it that you didn't recognize Bobby's name?"**

"**We didn't er…exactly get…introduced****."**

**Bobby**** flinched under Alex' scathing look. **

**Good. He deserved worse.**

"**Brilliant****," Alex muttered. "It must have been a hell of a night."**

**Chase ****bit her lip, her eyes upsweeping to Goren. "It was."**

**Eames pushed past them to enter the elevator, her mouth tight. ****"I don't need to know. Okay?"**

**Alex saw Bobby sigh, then wave**** Chase into the elevator before following her in to stand between the two women, his eyes straight ahead. Alex cast one quick look up at him, then mimicked his stoic stance.**

"**Detective Eames," Chase said, "…I'm sorry if this has made things… awkward for you, but I'll—"**

"**You don't know the half of it!" Alex bit out, annoyed she was taking it out on the other woman. **

"**Then perhaps—" Chase tried again.**

**The doors opened into the garage and Alex erupted from it, her head held high and arms pumping at her sides toward their parked SVU.**

"**What—?" Chase said from behind.**

"**Don't ask," Goren mumbled.**

**oOo**

**The ****hour-long journey to Parsonage Lane was fraught with tension and uncomfortable silences. Sitting in the back seat, Rebecca attempted to start conversation but, when met with stony silence or at best, clipped answers, gave up. Bobby Goren's awkwardness she could understand but Alex Eames' attitude was less definable. If Bobby had told his partner what transpired last night, it still was none of the other detective's business, but Rebecca vowed to talk to her when she could.**

**Rather than force an issue, Rebecca stayed quiet in the back and settled in to watch the New York streets ****unfold onto the Long Island Expressway and eventually give way to the wider lanes of Sagaponack. **

**Eames had touched base with the investigating officers via cell phone and, listening in, Rebecca knew they were heading toward a multiple murder and disappearance. The body of a prominent banker ****had been found with his wife beside their swimming pool by the mother-in-law who also reported the disappearance of their twelve year old daughter. They would have to work in tandem with the FBI who were already on the scene. This information soured Eames even more as she relayed the information to Goren. **

**The towering ****red-brown walled house belonging to the deceased was a hive of activity when they arrived. The street was lined with vehicles, sedans, vans and dark-tinted SUVs and the driveway was a procession of reporters with mounted and hand-held cameras clamoring to get past the NYPD running guard at its source. **

**Goren ploughed through them all, Rebecca and Eames following in his wake. Rebecca ****was impressed with the way that none of them managed to check his impetus while half didn't even bother. Displaying his badge at the main door, Goren was immediately shown in, a young officer breaking off from the pack in the front foyer to lead them through the house to the pool area. **

**Rebecca barely glanced at the bodies wedged between the deck chairs, more intent on observing Goren in action. Eames ****hovered over her partner as a moon orbits a planet, never clashing with his path as he danced around the crime scene, always within earshot to murmur a reply back to his mumbled observation, her frown clearing and a flick of her hair accompanying her agreement with his interpretation.**

**The**** pall that had settled on both them in the SUV disappeared and Rebecca stayed out of their way to admire their seamless teamwork. A Fed approached them and Rebecca immediately ran interference, knowing this was how she could best serve them.**

"**Your jurisdiction here?" the tall****, suited agent demanded without identifying himself.**

"**Rebecca Chase, NYPD. I'm with the Major Case team. You are—?"**

"**Special Agent Bourne," he clipped back. "Do we really need so many NYPD? You're pouring out of the seams here."**

"**If the deluge can get you a lead on your missing child, you're not in a position to complain, Agent Bourne." Rebecca kept her voice even and pleasant, not wanting to join the ranks of officers who treated the FBI with the suspicion they seemed to invite.**

"**Who's the big guy?" Bourne jerked his head toward Goren on his haunches at the edge of the pool.**

"**Robert Goren."**

"**Is he any good?"**

"**I guess you'll find out."**

"**What has he got?" Bourne asked, trying to dodge past her to get to Goren.**

**Rebecca side-stepped into his path. ****"You'll be informed when we're done."**

**Bourne's face contorted into a mask of annoyed resignation before he did an about-face and walked back into the house.**

"**Good day to you too," Rebecca murmured then turned back to see Goren sprint for the other side of the pool and ****examine the hedge lining its width. Eames was right behind him. As Rebecca joined them, she saw Goren tentatively reach out a hand and delicately touch the upper branches of the hedge, his eyes half-closed in concentration.**

**Her heart bottomed as Rebecca recognized th****at gesture from last night. Lying next to her on the bed, he had leaned over her and touched her with that same feather-light tentativeness. Righting itself, her heart beat a heavy tattoo in her chest as Rebecca fought to get her shortened breathing under control.**

**Goren's eyes lifted and stared at her over the top of Eames' head, locking, narrowing then dropping, and Rebecca put out a hand to stop her body's sway into the bushes. **

"**Don't touch that!" he ordered, and pushed past Eames to grab Rebecca's shoulders and swing her out of the way. Pulling her to his side with one hand he examined the hedge with the other, holding her effortlessly against his hip.**

"**Long hair…dark…dyed… a woman?" he murmured.**

"**You can see that?" Rebecca gasped, her voice cracking and at complete variance with his even tone.**** She was torn between embarrassment at being hauled against his body and the desire to stay there, feeling the strength and heat of him through their clothes.**

"**The branches have been disturbed," Goren said. "There's some…broken." He released Rebecca so suddenly she stumbled and****, dismayed, had to grab at the hedge. But Goren was through it, his legs pumping up the small, steep embankment to jog across the lawn toward the outer boundary fence.**

**Rebecca started to run after Goren, but Eames grabbed her arm and held her, shaking her head.**

"**He'll be back."**

**Both women watched Goren throw himself onto the ****eight-plus foot fence and haul himself up to look left then right, up and down the boundary. Sliding back down to the ground, Goren dusted his hands and turned back. He signaled to a nearby uniformed cop and a quick conversation had the latter nodding and rapidly moving away. **

**Jogging back to**** Rebecca and Eames, Goren panted slightly. "Hasty exit. They had the child… with them."**

"**Them?" Rebecca asked. **

"**A man and a woman. The hair…a woman. But the deaths…" He waved a hand toward the deckchairs. "A man did that. The woman merely…snatched the child."**

"**We need to tell the Feds—" Rebecca said.**

"**Already have," Goren ****nodded toward where the uniformed cop had been. "I wanna talk… to the housekeeper," he said, striding back toward the house.**

**Eames jerked her head after him and Rebecca shrugged, falling into step beside her. **

"**I wanted to talk to you—" Rebecca began.**

"**About you and Bobby?" Eames shook her head, confirming Rebecca's suspicions that Bobby had already told her. "It's got nothin' to do with me. Just keep it out of our working day."**

"**There won't be any more…" Rebecca said the words, trying to convince herself she meant them. "Now that I know who—"**

"**Eames! You comin?" Bobby called from the house.**

"**Bobby… needs someone…" Eames lifted her chin gamely, fixing Rebecca with a glare that was neither friendly nor harsh. "Who's to say it's not you?"**

**oOo**

_**tbc…**_


	4. Author's Note

**"Queen of Spades"**

**Copyright 2008 Penn O'Hara**

**A/N: I have to publish this document as an author's note as I need to poll my readers — _really._**

**I'm confusing my readers, so I'll tell you where I'm coming from. I've already sent this as a private message, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to make it public too.**

**I, like everyone else, am seeing an horrific decline in Bobby's physical and mental health. Now tell me honestly...is it because his Mummy died? That would sadden him yes, but it would also ease his burden. He should have bounced back. Is it because he's disappointed with his brother? He's always been disappointed in Frank. That's not new. Is it because he thinks his natural father is a serial killer? Unless he's felt like doing a spot of his own serial killing in the past and thinks those urges will take over, then I can't think that's going to set him on the spiral. So what has traumaed him so? It has to be a woman. That woman? Alex. Why has she pushed him away? Don't blame me! I write my AU still paralleling canon and canon has her being very standoffish with him, less tolerant of him, but thankfully, still very professional. She's still there for him as a partner and friend, but we can all see a crack in the seams which has to mean something. I can interpret it as denying herself stepping over that line with him, no matter how much she wants to.**

**If this is angering BA shippers than I'll just have to wrap it up and stick to my Logan stories or I could pull back from canon and just sail happily away into AU.**

**Don't think I mind your telling me how to write the stories. I don't. Half the fun of fic writing IS giving readers what they want.**

**So, please, please tell me — if you've had enough of the torture, I'll pull back and change direction.**

_**Edited to add...**_

**Please, please don't think anyone has angered me. Not at all. On the contrary. I'm over the moon that readers really, really talk to me about how they are interpreting what I write. I love it. I love that you're willing to tell me how you feel. **

**I'm still not sold that canon Alex wants to be Bobby's bedmate. She loves him, cares for him, will forever watch out for him, but would she marry him? Or live with him? I'm not sold on that. That will reflect in my writing, to be sure.**

**I will pull back on where this story was going, but do NOT feel I am doing something I don't want to do. I'm happy to go where my readers want to go and I can do that still holding true to my interpretation of the BA relationship.**

**Penn.**


	5. Chapter 4

**"****Queen of Spades"**

**Copyright 2008**** Penn O'Hara**

_**T**_

_**Usual disclaimers apply.**_

_**LOCI **__**Timeline: Post "War at Home". **_

_**My Timeline: Post "**__**Fold", which really should be read before continuing with this one…**_

_**Reminder to Readers: The timeline is still early Season 6, LOCI. Bobby's mother is sick and dying in Carmel Ridge, but not yet dead. Frank has not yet surfaced, and Bobby, as yet, has no idea his 'father' may not be his natural father.**_

_**I admit I have hurried the story along since listening to my readers. Thank you to those who wrote back. I hope you forgive me, but I can reconcile where I was going with what I have done now, and so I'm happy. I hope you will be okay with that.**_

**oOo**

**Chapter ****Four**

**Staring at the traffic through a blur of unshed tears, Alex continued to convince herself she was doing the right thing. ****The LIE was filling up on their return journey and their SUV was, perforce, slowing down. It would be a longer trip back to the office which gave Alex more time to prepare herself to further her decision.**

**Rebecca**** Chase and Bobby were arguing over the direction where the evidence was leading, disagreeing with each other's interpretation. Alex wasn't surprised. When first partnered with Bobby, she thought **_**she**_** had all the answers too, and considered his insights way off base. In time, she learned. Learned to listen to him and trust him.**

**The altercation with Chase put a rosier hue on Bobby's pale cheeks and a sparkle back into his dulled eyes.**

**Alex ****swallowed over a sob of self-pity. Bobby **_**did**_** need someone to put balance back into his life. He had suffered through Nicole's perpetual taunts, his guilt over Jo Gage's targeting Alex and his mother's declining health — all contributing to eating away at his sanity and it was showing, in his health and his emotional well-being. **

**She had never seen him so lost.**

**C****hin down, she stole a glance at him. It was more than the extra weight he was carrying, the increased absent-minded shuffling of his feet and jerking of his hands and body. It was the confusion behind his eyes that he didn't bother to hide, the parted shock of his mouth every time another blow was dealt.**

**He needed someone and it couldn't be her.**

**Alex knew**** she couldn't do both — immerse her body and mind in his by night then step back and be his objective sounding board by day. The short time they had together as lovers had shown her what it would be like. It was more than the loss of her inhibitions. It was the release of the focus she brought to her work, and its ultimate skew from the job to the man.**

**H****e needed her more as a partner right now than he needed her in his bed. To change the status quo on him would tip his unraveling world utterly.**

**And i****f the woman he had turned to in a hotel could give him that balance, then Alex was prepared to work in tandem with her, even though it would rip her heart in two.**

**Sighing into her conviction that it was the right decision, Alex turned back to stare again at the chain of vehicles hemming them in, locking them onto a course from which there was no veering.**

**And Alex knew that's what **_**she**_** must do.**

**oOo**

"**I've already heard from the Chief of Ds," Ross said, pinning each of them with a sharp gaze**** from behind his desk. "He wants answers. What have we got?"**

**Goren's mouth twitched, his Captain****'s bright piercing eyes and the gray swatches through his bristling hair reminding him of a lemur — the leader of the pack, inspecting his workers' catch from the day's scavenge. Would they past muster? Or be sent back to the wild to collect more?**

"**I'm ****looking at the housekeeper," Chase slipped into the silence. "There was no forced entry, she was in the kitchen at the time. She could easily have left the alarm off, the side gate unlocked and then turned a deaf ear to what was going down at the pool."**

**Grunting, Goren shifted in his chair, but said nothing. He and Chase had agreed to disagree and Goren left it to Alex to decide the issue for him. **

"**Bobby likes the ****neighbor for it," Alex said, reinstating where her loyalties lay. "At least as an accomplice. He was home. Heard nothing, knows nothing, has nothing to add. Yet, it was his eight foot fence they scaled in order to leave the scene, armed with a child."**

**Eyeing**** Eames intently, Ross waited. "And you?" he asked.**

**Alex shrugged. "I want to find a motive. The FBI are waiting for a ransom contact, but, with both parents dead, who's gonna pay?"**

**Ross nodded. "Well, let's not wait ****with the FBI. You've canvassed where they lived. Now hit where the victim worked." He glanced at his watch and grimaced. "Tomorrow. I don't want the Chief of Ds to accuse me of overworking his new Captain."**

**Goren stretched in his chair, looking down his nose with a half-smile as he gave his tie a tug. Today's hunt was over, their leader satisfied with their forage. Pushing himself out of the chair, he followed the women out of the office and headed toward his desk. Warmed by Alex' loyalty to his ideas, he was also pleased Chase held onto her opinion.**

"**Bobby," Alex said, suddenly turning back to him, "why don't you give Detective Chase a lift home? I'm…I'm gonna stay behind for a while."**

**Goren stopped where he stood, frowning. "Eames… we do this together…or not at all."**

"**I…I know…but…"**

**His muscles locking, Goren ground on his teeth. He knew what she was doing — trying to tell him if he wanted to pursue Rebecca it was okay with her.**

_**Dammit!**_** It wasn't okay with him!**

**Scooping his folder from his desk, he rounded on her. "I'm taking you home, Eames. No argument. Uh…both…uh of you…****home…"**

"**I've got my own**** wheels," Chase said crisply, shaking her head. "Thanks for the offer though." She smiled warmly at Goren, her eyes dropping briefly, then looking up into his with heated interest. "See you both tomorrow?" **

**Bobby was aware of Chase hovering, but his eyes locked onto Alex. Her chin tipped up in that way that told him she was standing up for herself and his anger sloughed from him. **

"**Yeah, see you tomorrow, Chase," he murmured, not allowing Alex' gaze to slide from his.**

**He felt rather than saw ****Rebecca leave and his shoulders dropped their tension as he smiled gently at Alex. "What was…that…all about?"**

"**You're a big boy, Bobby," Alex snapped. "You figure it out."**

"**Eames…" His hand reached out to her, but when he realized he wouldn't stop with merely touching her, he let it drop. "We gotta talk."**

"**Sure." **

**She went to**** sit in her chair, but he shook his head, arresting her movement.**

"**Not here."**

**oOo**

**The air was ****heavier, the twilight darker here than the rest of Manhattan. The noise of the city ever clamorous still washed over them, but was muted somehow, as if in respect to the dead or in awe of the way the country had lost its innocence irrevocably.**

**Alex perched on the edge of the ****makeshift seat at the observation window, conscious of Bobby beside her, but even his presence could not put her at ease. Too many painful memories…**

"**Bobby, I****'m not sure I want to be here—" she began.**

"**I know." He nodded slowly, as if in deep thought. Or perhaps, in mourning. "Both of us…lost many friends…and colleagues here…but…"**

**He took her hand in his as if it were precious to him, turning it one way, then the next, then folded it into his chest. Through the layers of his clothes, she felt the steady beat of his heart under her palm.**

"**We had each other," he continued. "We **_**have**_** each other."**

"**What does that—?"**

"**I brought you here…" **

**His hand swept out across the ****glass-protected panorama of gray-slated construction, megawatt-lit by a circle of sentinel spotlights, drawing her eyes to the mounds of dirt, scraped rock, the labyrinth of girders and piping that attested to a catastrophe never before felt by free U.S. citizens. **

"…**to somehow show you****," he continued in that soft, serious way of his that made her listen closely. "This is me, Alex. Leveled… torn asunder… and laid bare. I'm alone…or soon will be. My mother…" His voice caught, but he ploughed on. "My work…it's not enough any more. I want to be…rebuilt."**

**Alex'**** heart pummeled. She knew what he was saying, what he was asking, but it wasn't fair. His state of mind was **_**not**_** her responsibility. "This has nothing to do with me, Bobby…"**

"**It has everything to do with you!"**

**Alex flinched at his vehemence, but looked out upon Ground Zero, determined to show her usual stoicism.**

"**I know you don't want****," he said, "anything…to do with me…anymore—"**

"**Bobby! I don't—" She hastened to assure him she had not abandoned him completely.**

"**Please," he said quietly. "Let me finish. You want to…keep it…professional. I understand that, but I don't…think… I can do it. I wanna new partner—"**

"**Bobby! No!" Alex gasped, the flooring rushed up to meet her swaying body, but Bobby caught her and held her to him. Her chin dropped and she buried her face in his coat. "Don't do this," she whispered.**

"_**Why not?!**_** " She heard him hiss in a breath, getting himself under control again. "Alex…I want you but you won't have me. I wanna new partner, but you don't want to let me go. You want me to go off with Chase, but I have no interest—"**

"**You had more than enough interest last night!" Pulling back, she almost yelled at him in her distress, his words cutting cruelly into her, made worse by their truth.**

"**Last night, I was out of my mind," he explained, his voice rising. "I was being pulled in two directions. My loyalty to my job…and as a son… I had to be there for the case and my mother had every right to demand..." Alex saw and felt his body shaking against hers. "No one was there for me—"**

"**I was, Bobby! I was there for you!**** At the elevator—" She was still yelling at him, but he didn't even flinch. His eyes shut for a breath's space, then opened to burn into hers.**

"**The look you gave me…" he whispered.**

"**I know.****" She squeezed tears from under her lids, unable to meet his gaze anymore. "I'm fucked up too. Do you think you have the monopoly?" She buried her head in his coat again, her cheek against his heart and felt its now erratic tempo.**

"**After…after Nicole****," he asked quietly. "Why did you…go cold?"**

**Alex' insides curled, her fists bunching in the folds of his coat. Is that how he saw her distancing herself from the emotional roller coaster she'd boarded?**

"**I needed advice. The psychiatrist..." Her voice broke on the words. "She helped me see things clearly. Bobby…being with you blew me away." Her lips moved on the rough grain of his coat, her nose breathing his familiar and intoxicating scent. "It was too much, too soon. I was blurring my emotions with my job. I was losing my focus. From my work to you. It had to be one path…or the other."**

**Bobby's hand descended ****upon her head, his palm smoothing down her hair to her neck. It was a reassuring and understanding gesture, rekindling the warmth of her love for him.**

"**I want both," he said. "I've had so little in my life. It's time I grabbed more…for myself. Is that so wrong?"**

"**No." She shook her head fiercely. "But I'm not ready, Bobby. I'm not saying I won't ever… Just, not yet."**

"**Then I can wait."**

"**I don't have that right—"**

"**I can wait."**

**She felt him kiss the top of her head, yet still she couldn't meet his gaze. He was giving her the time she needed. She could ask no more.**

"**This is our Ground Zero, Alex," he murmured. "Where we go from here…I want it only to be…what you want. But ****we have to build upward. And we can't look down."**

**Lifting her head, she again scanned New York City's disinfected, but still bleeding, wound before her. **

**She would continue to support Bobby's idiosyncrasies, buffer him from a world that didn't understand him, rescue him from his demons and one day, she would give him what he asked for.**

**And what she ultimately wanted.**

**oOo**

_**Finis.**_

_**Patience, BA shippers. **__**There is still so much ahead for these two. **_

_**A**__**pologies in advance to g-gal if I didn't get Alex' voice right, but I tried very hard to get into her skin and this is what came out.**_

_**I also hope this helps explain things a little better to those who could not understand Alex' motives for pushing Bobby away.**_

_**But, like I say, there's more to come…**_

_**Penn.**_


	6. Epilogue

**"****Queen of Spades"**

**Copyright 2008**** Penn O'Hara**

_**T**_

_**Usual disclaimers apply.**_

_**LOCI **__**Timeline: Post "War at Home". **_

_**My Timeline: Post "**__**Fold", which really should be read before continuing with this one…**_

_**A/N: Alex wanted one **__**last scene …**_

**oOo**

**Epilogue**

**Dry eyes burning, Alex hugged the large pillow to her. Cross-legged on her couch, she stared unseeing through the half-opened curtains of her window. Cars passed unnoticed, horns blared unheard and across the dark sky the moon moved on its invisible thread unseen.**

**Guilt clawed at her**** throat. Guilt that Bobby had been so understanding... **_**too**_** understanding. That he had accepted her explanation so readily and had not seen through her attempt to hide her face against him as the ruse to have his arms around her again, even if only briefly.**

**His taking her to Ground Zero had been her undoing. She had intended to tell him that there would be nothing between them, ever, that he should find some comfort with another, be it Rebecca Chase, or another.**

**But he had taken her there to have her defenses tumble as surely as the towers had crumbled that day. She had made him a promise she didn't know she could keep. And he had floored her with his threat to change partners.**

_**I can be a better partner to you, Bobby,**_** she whispered in the dark of her living room, lit only by the streetlights struggling to penetrate her gloom. **

_**You deserve the best partner I can be**__**. Not a flawed, uncertain lover.**_

**What sounded like a bird's squawk rent the air, as if in protest, or disbelief. **_**Paulie? **_**She hadn't thought of her missing parrot since the day she'd walked out on Bobby. Alone and in the privacy of her apartment, Alex needed to no longer brave it out.**

**The tears fell.**

**oOo**

_**Now, finis and full circle for "Blind Spot".**_

**_Onto Season 7 ..._**


End file.
